This is because avoidant people are more likely to end a relationship suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere because theyre prone to running from their problems. Although they may not want to admit it, they do miss you even if they say otherwise. This ex might return because they need more attention than what you can give right now. Almost every one of our success stories will contain some hint of this technique. I think you will be better off with someone else. So, a fearful avoidant has a deep seated fear of being abandoned but also can have moments where they fear theyll lose their independence in relationships. What you write resonates with me and my current situation, but Ill not bother you with a long back story. The anxious-disorganized attachment style is the hardest one to break out of. The fearful avoidant will typically appear to move on from you quickly, The fearful avoidant will still think youre available for them even after a breakup, Dont expect the fearful avoidant to initiate contact, They will long for you when they think theres no chance, When you become completely unavailable (youve moved on to someone else), When they have completely moved on to someone else, If they havent heard from you in a while, It proves your anxious behavior was a thing of the past, It perpetuates the fantasy that you are over them. People with avoidant and anxious attachment styles are often drawn to each other because they are bonded through their childhood trauma. His birthday was a week after breakup, I continued to NO CONTACT and did not congratulate his birthday, Because I thought it might not answer me and he needs more space and time. In avoidant thinking, if you dont get too close to someone they will not leave you, but as soon as you get too close, they will leave. An avoidant ex who has had enough time to reflect on the relationship will usually say that they just didn't feel connected to you anymore. I tell my clients, Many fearful avoidants themselves dont even know if they want to come back or will come back. Unfortunately, a relationship with an avoidant person is going to be lacking in emotional connection at times and youll need to find that in other places in your life. So, if you arent familiar this is my relationship life cycle wheel of death graphic. I think you will be better off with someone else they are looking for reassurance. He uses it to protect his vulnerable side. Whats interesting is that the mistake we see most of our clients make is that they end up chasing after an ex trying to convince them (rightly so) that they are stronger together than they are apart but the fearful avoidant rejects this because its theyve convinced themselves that isnt the case. Attachment security is also a factor in an avoidants willingness to open themselves up to the risk of getting hurt or rejected. 62% of the participants in that poll said that their exes did not reach out to them during the no contact rule. You feel safe. Remember, they are a lot more likely to have bouts of nostalgia when they feel like youve moved on from them completely. Your email address will not be published. If you're not sure if your ex is avoidant, here are a few hallmarks of avoidant people: 1. Its also the reason why any advice that encourages contact, communication, connection or closeness is met with Will that not push my ex further away? or Ahh I dont think itll work. Patience is another key aspect of effectively learning how to get a fearful avoidant back. Also, by pulling back when they pull back you end up perpetuating this fantasy that you arent really that into them which in turn makes the avoidant feel kind of safe. In short, they do miss you. BREAK-UP EMOTIONS & HEALING. With an avoidant ex you need to be extra cautious here when it comes to how frequently and intensely you reach out to them. Well first off, lets talk about why there may be more hope than you expect. This is never going to go anywhere and its just a recipe for disaster in the long run. So, ideally they like their fawning time apart. Its basically about the way you form attachments in a relationship.
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